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Christ of the Abyss

by Brooks Strause

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1.
Koans 04:29
I learned a good lesson when I was about to die. I’d tell you what it was, but now I can’t begin to try. Behind every great man are the ones he left behind. He doesn’t need a light for he sees by his brilliant mind. You will find yourself with no ideals left for selling out. Still you can’t be too careful with these hooligans about. When I was just a kitten, I was taught to hate my boss. Don’t make it any better but it helps to know the cause. Without one another, we’re not gonna make it, are we? I only turn my back on those who cannot harm me. I shot to outer space just like the blinking of an eye. I returned to Earth no longer sad but still too shy. The motions of a man are not how he should be defined. We’re only human after all, machines, poorly designed. If your faith can stretch beyond the shadow of your doubt, have some disappointment just don’t get it in your mouth. I no longer worry how the point will get across. Nothing is more handsome than disobeying laws. Emperor Charming will give you a kiss and you will wake up in love. If you stand with him at the precipice, make real what you’re thinking of. You’re welcome to give him a shove. There’s nothing below or above. He trusts you to do what you do.
2.
Anna 03:17
Anna, you are quick and you are kind with your good heart and your good mind and the world is so much better because you’re here. Anna, you uphold and understand, ideas are clay held in your hand and there are wise discerning eyes in every mirror. Anna, I wish you all the best, my friend. May you borrow less than you lend and have a good garden to tend and sorrow that knows when to end. Anna, you are sharp and you are deep with the good company you keep and you would like to lift the heart of every fool. Anna, you are strong and you are free and better than you used to be and you would rather be let down than appear cruel. Anna, you are clever, you are strange. You’re not afraid to talk or change and it is true that you are just right as you are. Anna, you are learning as we speak, upon this journey to the peak, and you are doing pretty goddamn good so far.
3.
Roll with it. Th at’s the ticket. Th e way out don’t look like the way in, but you’ll fi nd it if you know where to look. And it ain’t in the ground and it ain’t in some words and it ain’t in the money you got or don’t got and it ain’t in the air and it ain’t in your dreams. Would you know it if you saw it? No, probably not. Know you’re not it. Now you’ve got it. Th e way up don’t look like the way down, but you’ll fi nd it if you know where to look. Open yourself wide to possibility. Will you try to make the best of your dreams a reality or just let it be what it will be?
4.
You can’t tell your heart anything. It’s happening to you, like it or not. Let that sink in then think about how it worked out for you. What have you got? Ooh, love. Ooh, cutthroat love. You still dream of what could have been if you’d come in ahead and life was fair. Take your wishes and let them go and get to know your head. Try not to care. Betrayal, yes, it’ll come to you once more and we fail and we fail and we fail exactly like we did before. You hold hope but you study hard for your reward. Come on, it’s not so bad. Show you’re grateful, for it was fun till it was done. It’s gone, as is what you had.
5.
Paint 02:37
I can see almost everything from this throne, but which one’s the maiden and which one’s the crone. I looked in the mirror and didn’t turn to stone, but show me a master who wasn’t alone. Show me a master who wasn’t alone. Paint on your hands. Oh, do as it demands. I have felt almost everything a thing can feel, but I never fi gured out which ones were real. I took what I could borrow never had to steal, but show me a guru who’s not making a deal. Show me a holy man not trying to make me a deal. Paint on your hands. Oh, do as it demands. If I could gather every mind that blows mine in one perfect place, that’s what I would do, but I’d be a fool to use the word settling if I am settling for you.
6.
Over in the cabinet between sorrow and regret, you can get a little respite if it hasn’t got you yet, and it’s a long, long, long way back to yourself, and it looks like you can reach it but I can’t really tell. Never said you meant business, there was always pleasure there. I wouldn’t feel so foolish if I could only cease to care, and it’s a long, long, long way back to yourself, and you most likely will get there but I can’t really tell. Stuck, ran out of luck, now baby, tell me, where the hell do I go from here? I know it ain’t your problem, but why is it my problem, my dear? You got out of the bedroom ‘cause you couldn’t stand the heat. If you want to make a diff erence all you have to do is cheat, and it’s a long, long, long way back to yourself. I think you probably can do it but I can’t really tell. Sorry, you know I love you, but I gotta take what’s mine. So sorry, you know I’ve got to, but it’s gonna be just fi ne. So, sorry, there’s nothing to do except accept the divide. Sorry, you know I love you, but I gotta take what’s mine.
7.
Pair of Dice 02:45
Meet me in the woods with a thick black rope to bind us. Th e wild animals will fi nd us. Th at is just. You’ll wear a Sunday dress and I’ll wear a suit of armor. We will go where the air’s warmer, there or bust. Pair of dice thrown by a desperate hand. Yeah, we do what we can. Meet me by the lake, come with several hits of blotter. Life will return to the water. Th at is right. You’ll speak with the dead; I’ll play a game against the spirit. I will face it and not fear it, but it might. Pair of dice thrown by a desperate hand. Yeah, we do what we can. Meet me at my home and I will tell you of the future and if it’s time to remove the sutures, that is fi ne. Follow me upstairs. It’ll only take a couple hours. Th ere will be no more falling towers aft er mine. Pair of dice thrown by a desperate hand. Yeah, we do what we can.
8.
My Brain 02:30
The Marlboro Man has died again, yet he lived so long. If I come to be so lucky then, admit you were wrong. There’s nothing flowering. No sun and no rain. Nothing is alive but my brain. The golden woman has lighted me. I long to be there, though if I’m to fall too soon to be, I would call that fair. The smoke is billowing,ruthless and profane. Nothing is on fire but my brain. The more my mind changes, oh, the more it stays the same. I’ve met a million ghosts down here, but I know them all by name. The silvery Moon does touch the Earth with its crafty tongue. So while selfish spirits seek rebirth, we seek to be sung. Madmen are catering the feasts of the sane. Nothing is for real but my brain.
9.
This is Home 04:37
I didn’t feel a thing, baby, I never felt desire like that before. I know you need your freedom, baby, but I need you more. I gazed into your guts, baby, just like my reflection in a mirror. I know what’s going on there, baby, but look at me, I need you here. Damnit, just come back to me. Yeah, girl, I think you’re making me go crazy and though I can’t do it for myself, come back to hell and I’ll try to make you happy, like you should be. You should be home and this is home. A blade of grass between us and a tune shackling each of us to the second. We never were surprised until a black eye opened and the warm air beckoned. And you and I, we fell for it (at least one of us did), before we had even realized what had happened. I don’t know which is worse, baby: not knowing at all or being sure. All the pieces look so different now, baby. I just want them put back the way they were.
10.
I was air and water while you were earth and fire. I was cold logic while you were hot desire. You were brief turbulence, I was infinite peace. You were an explosion, I was waving in the breeze. As I am wedded to my opponent, letters my soul sent have reached their target, and you don’t know yet, what all these ghosts meant, but it is cogent, wherever it went. Th ere is a peace that I have seen and it is housed in paradox. You must work hard as a machine, though you are clever as a fox, and you might see it as I have seen it. O! You were being solid while I was barely there. You were complicated, while I was a white square. I was just a thought, you were a body, skin and all. I was your reflection, you were my shadow on the wall.
11.
Worlds 02:47
Worlds falling apart. In the threat of the night. In the words of the fight. In the touch of the light of our would-be work of art. In a world that’s falling apart. Worlds falling apart. With the break of a vow. With the wisdom of now. With a wink and a bow to she who has thrown the dart. In a world that’s falling apart. Like the universe we were born rapidly expanding into the wild nothing, cold, never-ending, and foreign. Worlds falling apart. All those toppling towers. All those wasted hours. All those brittle flowers spread over a broken heart. In a world that’s falling apart.
12.
Plead 02:35
Things were great for a while, you made it easy to smile, but I suppose it was all doomed from the start. It was a beautiful wreck, it was a knife in the neck, but I just wish I would have broken your heart. Prove me wrong. Taste that dirt. Put it on. Plead and hurt. Well, for the fool who was there, it’s getting harder to care, and even though I never claimed to be smart, it could have done you some good, you might have learned what you should, so I just wish I would have broken your heart. Prove me wrong. Taste that dirt. Put it on. Plead and hurt.
13.
A Day 03:55
Fine death/Seen breath/Cold air/You there/White bone/Wet stone/Sunshine/Drawn line... What a difference a day makes, thoughtful promise dawn always breaks. Night falls/Crow calls/Goons come out from dark sheets/Heart beats/Left right/Moonlight... What a difference a day makes, thoughtful promise dawn always breaks. What do you do with the time that you have? What do you do with the time that you have? How do you choose how to use up the little time that you have? What do you do with the time that you have?
14.
We will speak in shades of peach of that which is beyond our reach. Go on and on. We will ask for nothing more than something empty to explore. Go on and on. Ouroboros, skinless skull profess to me what’s dark and beautiful. Lift the corpses, former men, somewhere we can see them. We will race to our wits’ ends and spring from darkness better friends. Go on and on. We will stop for nothing less than apathy’s contentedness. Go on and on. Ouroboros, skinless skull profess to me what’s dark and beautiful. Lift the corpses, former men, somewhere we can see them. In heightened state, in ritual, say the holy words again.
15.
Goliath 04:26
Fill the world with the sound of falling hopes. Compassion unveils the path to hell. It’s absurd like it feels under the ropes, not asking if it’s too soon to tell. Goliath, is it really? Hey, Goliath, know that feeling? Soak your clothes in the sweat of striving skin. Aversion, the first of few replies. Heaven knows when the beast is coming in. Sensation is all our Lord denies. Goliath, is it really? Hey, Goliath, know that feeling? Keep in mind it is a trial. Th ere’s no doing it in style. Screams and shudders, how’d it go? Dreaming mutters, how’d you know? Leave, just for a while.
16.
You Could 03:06
You could make a fool of me. I know I ain’t that smart, but please, baby, please I ask you, please, baby, please don’t break my heart. You could even lie to me. I know you don’t, but you could start, but please, baby, please I ask you, please, baby, please don’t break my heart. You could show your fangs to me and hurt me like it was an art, but please, baby, please I ask you, please, baby, please don’t break my heart. You could drop the world on me and tear this fragile ego apart, but please, baby, please I ask you, please, baby, please don’t break my heart. Please, baby, please I beg you, please, baby, please don’t break my heart.
17.
Green 03:30
All those crazy thoughts in your head won’t mean a thing, come spring, and your smile will turn the whole world green. All the flowers will bloom, blue and red. The birds will sing something, and your smile will turn the whole world green. Once there was a boy with no feelings, like somebody had filled his heart with rocks. No light in his eyes, only dreaming of chasing a wild fox. All those crazy thoughts in your head won’t mean a thing, come spring, and your smile will turn the whole world green. All the petals will unfold in their bed. Grace in a ring, gleaming, and your smile will turn the whole world green.

credits

released May 3, 2016

All songs written by Brooks Strause.
Recorded, mixed, and mastered by BS
in his bedroom in the Blue House
in Iowa City, IA in 2015 and 2016.

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Brooks Strause Iowa City, Iowa

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